When I was studying to become a sexologist, I learned some pretty interesting things…
I always imagined my future career to include sharing all the fascinating practical tips and tricks I was discovering.
Nowadays, as a fully qualified sex therapist and sexologist, I occasionally do that, but more often I teach people how to discover on their own what they like and how to comfortably talk about it with their partner.
For me, that’s far more valuable than giving out a theory or formula.
Honestly, the feedback I get while coaching is that my clients finally being able to talk about sex together is what makes the biggest difference to them. This is turn brings their spark back and they start to enjoy more satisfying, playful and pleasurable intimacy.
The truth is, everybody is different. What we want and what turns us on will be different day to day.
This might be TMI, but… I once had a lover that really liked his armpits being touched. And another who liked his belly button licked.
I know right – his belly button?!
I wouldn’t have discovered this without doing the activity I’m going to share with you today.
It’s called Body Mapping.
What I love about Body Mapping is that it doesn’t give you a formula. Instead, it’s about discovering with your partner the ways and places that you both like to be touched.
And most importantly, it also gives you great practice for talking and exploring together.
We all have ‘secret spots’ that turn us on.
Maybe yours is just behind your neck, your ears, or even your toes – or maybe you haven’t discovered it yet.
Finding these spots can really heat things up in your love play!
Below I’m sharing Body Mapping for Couples and Body Mapping for Singles as well.
Body Mapping for Couples
This is like getting a massage, but it’s more about exploring and communicating.
Here’s how it works:
Decide who will give and who will receive first.
Receiving partner – set any boundaries you have for today. For example, perhaps there is somewhere you really don’t like being touched or just don’t want touched today.
Giving partner – you’re going to be experimenting with different kinds of touch all over your partner’s body starting at their feet and working all the way up to their head. Try to make sure every inch of their body is explored. You can use a good massage oil if you like. Experiment with firm touch, finger nails, really light touch and anything else you can think of!
Advanced option: Use your tongue to explore too.
Giving partner – Ask your partner for feedback as you go. You may find it helpful to ask, “On a scale of 1-10, how does it feel to be touched there?” “Do you prefer ‘this’ or ‘this’?”
Receiving partner – you are an active receiver in this. Make sure you are giving your partner feedback about what feels good for you.
Remember, there’s no pressure to ‘get it right’ – this is about exploring and communicating together.
Mindful Self Touch
Exploring what we enjoy on our own is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.
There’s no reason we shouldn’t enjoy as much pleasure as we can by ourselves. And knowing what you enjoy allows for so much more pleasure when you connect with a lover.
Find somewhere comfortable to lie down where you can reach your entire body. Relax and take some deep breaths, really feeling your energy drop down into your body.
Begin touching and stroking your body in whatever way feels right for you. As you start to feel more comfortable and relaxed, begin to experiment with different kinds of touch (firm, soft, etc.) all over your body. Aim to explore every inch of your own skin, finding how to touch yourself in whatever way feels just right for you.
I just love this exercise, and I always get amazing feedback when I assign this as home play to people in coaching.
I’d love to hear your feedback after trying it.
What did you learn about each other?
Did you discover any surprising pleasure zones?