Have you ever felt like you want to be intimate with your partner, but your body and pussy just don’t seem to be coming to the party?
Maybe you mentally feel like sex but your body just isn’t showing physical signs of arousal, like lubrication.
I think it’s probably happened to all of us.
Sometimes, sex is actually the last thing on my mind and I’m entirely surprised when my new lover makes a move on me. Or sometimes I’m at point in my cycle (or just a little stressed) where my body requires more warming up than usual.
Having sexual energy flowing is energising, pleasurable and powerful.
It’s worth the ‘effort’ to feel in the mood and connect to our desire.
Sex is a beautiful way to deepen intimacy with a partner, to express love and your unique connection. It’s also a great way to release stress and dramatically change your mood.
It will help you feel incredible – like the sensual, radiant woman you are.
I often talk about actions to take on an ongoing basis to help us connect to our sexual desire. (Read more truths on female sexual desire here and ways to turn yourself on here.) But today I want to share some things that you can do ‘in the moment’ to quickly ignite desire and have deeper pleasure and intimacy.
Desire is responsive, not spontaneous.
Meaning that sexual desire arises in response to stimuli.
We have power over our sensual and sexual energy. We’re responsible for turning ourselves on.
By releasing the brakes and doing things that turn us on, we can support desire to arise.
1. Feel the pleasure of sensual, loving touch
Sensual, loving touch helps your body release oxytocin, a hormone that helps you feel loving and connected to your partner.
It also plays a vital role in women’s lubrication.
Loving touch, such as stroking, cuddling, a sensual massage and even kissing, all help to produce oxytocin, which in turn, helps you feel turned on.
Sensual, loving touch also awakens your body and your senses leading to greater pleasure during sex and potentially heightened orgasms too.
2. Get out of your head + into your body
Often, being in our heads rather than our body gets in the way of us feeling turned. There are two reasons for this.
– When we’re caught up in our minds, it’s difficult to feel anything in our body, particularly turn on.
– Much of our thinking is also driven by fear. Our body isn’t programmed to allow both stress and sexual modes at the same time.
Drop out of your head and into your body to allow sexual energy to arise.
Breathe deeply all the way into your belly and as you breathe out, feel your energy drop downwards. You’ll notice that just by giving your body your attention, it begins to soften and the breath begins to deepen. Focus on the feelings in your body, whatever they may be. Don’t think about ‘stopping your thinking’. Your mind will wander but just bring focus back to feeling your body and breath when that starts to happen.
You can take this a step further by breathing all the way down into your pussy. By giving her attention and directing breath there you’ll naturally build sexual energy.
3. Get your pelvic floor muscles working for you
We often hear about the importance of strengthening the pelvic floor muscles for overall sexual health. Tantric wisdom tells us that strong pelvic floor muscles help us orgasm more easily and allow us to have longer, more powerful orgasms.
Contracting and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles can also help to quickly turn you on by bringing blood, oxygen and energy to your pussy.
Make the muscles around your pussy tight, as if you’re stopping yourself peeing, then relax them again. Gradually build up speed until you have a pulsing sensation.
By doing this simple squeeze and relax exercise, you’re mimicking your response during sex, which ignites your turn on. It’s a little bit of fake it til you make it!
Advanced option: Make sensual circles with your hips as you contract and relax your pelvic floor muscles. This will really get your blood and energy flowing.
4. Get energy flowing through sexy sound
Sound is energy. So, by making sound, you’re inviting more sexual energy to move through you.
Tantra uses the chakra system. By making the noise of a particular chakra, we stimulate that charka and its energy. The base and sacral chakras are the chakras we want to activate the most to get sexual energy moving.
The sounds connected to your sexual chakras are ‘ugh’ (like a deep moan) and ‘oooh’ (like in the word smooth). An ‘mmm’ sound is also effective.
Whether loud or quiet, just experiment making these sounds in whatever way feels comfortable for you.
We’re also biologically programmed to be turned on by the sounds of sex, so hearing your own sounds creates a positive feedback loop of turn on.
5. Engage the power of your mind + imagination
Don’t underestimate the power of mindset or your imagination. Using these tools is a great way to get things moving.
Our minds are so powerful that some women can bring themselves to orgasm through thought alone.
You can use your imagination to think up sexual fantasies or feel good moments. Casting your mind back over memories of really steamy, sexy encounters can also help you to get in the mood.
Remember beauty, you have power over your sensual and sexual energy.
Set the intention for your turn on and lean into it. Enjoy yourself.