If you are going out there and dating and you’re constantly attracting the wrong sort of guys; I mean guys who are emotional unavailable, full of red flags and really toxic or just not wanting to commit… there’s actually a reason why that is happening.
In this video I want to actually tell you why that’s happening and what you need to do about it.
Now, one of the really frustrating things about dating is we go out there and date with the right intention but then we just attract frogs.
And we’re like, “Ugh, why does that happen?” And I know for myself, I was struggling with dating for 10 years. I would go on so many dates; you could call me a serial dater.
I would be in these relationships with these guys, but then they could never commit to me or they ended up being narcissists or they ended up being players.
And I would stop and ask myself like, “Why is this happening? Is there something wrong with me? I don’t understand. I’m a great girl. I know that I am a nice person. I know that I’m kind so why aren’t I attracting the good guys out there?”
I actually want to talk about the science behind that and why you’re in this position and how to actually break that.
Reason number one: You don’t know what you’re actually deserving of.
I used to think that what I was given from these men that I was dating was just what was kind of normal. The problem is is if your normal is actually really unhealthy because you don’t realize that you do deserve better or you’re not even aware that better exists out there, then you will constantly just keep settling for second best.
That’s why it’s actually really important that before you even go out and start dating, that you understand what a healthy standard looks like, but also you understand what your worth is.
And your worth most of the time what it is now comes from what you’ve experienced in the past. And if you’ve had somebody devalue you, if you’ve had broken relationships with your parents or your family, then that is going to impact your idea of what it is that you think that your worth is.
So the first thing that I want you girls to do before you even go on your next date is I want you to stop and ask yourself, “Do you believe that you are worthy of more?” Or, “What do you believe that your current worth is?”
The truth is who you are is enough, but you need to start to have a strong conviction about that so that you can then date the right sort of men who line up with the right conviction about your true worth.
Number two: Your brain is focused on the wrong thing.
I saw a meme the other day which sums this up perfectly. “All I attract is (beep) boys. When my homegirl says to me, ‘No, you’re a beautiful gal, you attract every type of guy, you just choose (beep) boys’.” Whatever you tell your brain to focus on is literally what you are going to actually gravitate to and attract into your life.
I don’t think we actually understand the power of how the mind works. What I’ve actually done for you girls is that put together a free master class called How to Attract Better Quality Men within a 30 day period by actually going on less dates.
And one of the secrets that I reveal in this masterclass is just how powerful your dating mindset needs to be and how you can actually attract the right sort of men into your life on autopilot.
The way that we do that is we actually retrain our brain. If your brain is constantly focused on the wrong thing all the time or the wrong sort of guy then that is what you will get.
The truth is there are amazing men out there, but if you are constantly focused and only picking out the crappy ones, then that is all you will ever see and attract.
Number three: You haven’t healed from your past.
Another reason why we either are drawn to toxic men or toxic men are drawn to us is because there’s some part of us that is looking to be rescued or healed through another person instead of actually realizing that that is our responsibility.
Now, if you have grown up in a really sort of destructive environment, maybe you had a father abandon you, maybe you had men never really validate you or love you.
There’s this hurt and this pain that you have not dealt with, then chances are you will probably start to attract men who are like that because that is what your brain recognizes as a version of love.
What we need to do is we need to really start to retrain your brain, once again, on how to have a healthier version of love and what love actually looks like, and a part of that is actually releasing you have some of that baggage, identifying the areas where you’ll still hurting and making sure you work on them first before you actually go out and start dating.
Number four: You don’t have standards in place.
Ladies, standards and boundaries are incredibly healthy because what they do is they protect our worth and they help repel the people who aren’t in align with what it is that we are worthy of and also what it is that we want.
Now the problem is, is most of the time you girls don’t actually know what healthy standards look like. I see this all the time.
And it’s not your fault because unless someone’s actually modeled that to you or taught you about it, how else do we know?
I mean, there’s not really like a textbook in school where we learn about healthy standards in dating and relationships.
So your standard might be here because you think, “Oh well, you know, he doesn’t, you know, abuse me” or he, “You know, still calls me every night.” When in reality, the standard could be still up here and there’s this gap in between, which is what is producing all that confusion and making you constantly settle for second best of what it is that you could have and then never feeling fulfilled in those relationships.
Number five: You can’t actually recognize the difference between a bad boy and a good guy.
If you don’t know what to look for, then your brain will always go to what it is always looked for before that.
And if it is unhealthy, toxic, and narcissistic men, well then that’s what your brain will constantly try to seek out.
So really it’s about educating yourself. “Okay, how can I recognize what a great guy looks like? How can I tell the difference between a red flag and a green flag so that I can actually be aware before I even start dating this guy?” And again, this is why I put this free master class together because I actually tell you how to identify which guy to date.
Dating shouldn’t be a numbers game. You shouldn’t have to date 10 horrible men before you finally find a great guy.
It’s about first going, “Okay, before I go into battle, let me work out what I need to identify first so that I can actually make my dating life a lot more fun, easier, and lead to the amazing relationship that you deserve.”
And lastly, number six: You are actually self-sabotaging on autopilot, which is not ideal.
The reason why we self-sabotage most of the time is because we aren’t even aware of the stuff that we’re doing and so we’re just acting and making decisions and that’s leading to toxic man or toxic relationships.
If we don’t know what healthy standards are, we don’t know what are worth is or we haven’t healed or we actually self-sabotage because we are more comfortable with pain than we are with happiness.
This is something that I actually used to do. When I finally got my great man was I tried to self-sabotage that relationship because I knew pain, I knew how to deal with heartache, I knew how to deal with drama, I knew how to deal with being devalued.
And so it’s something that you need to be aware of ladies. Are you self sabotaging because there is stuff within your life you need to heal or there’s things that you need to be educated on?
Or are you doing it as a self-defense mechanism because it means that you then don’t have to fall in love and risk being hurt?
Either way, girls, there’s obviously an answer to that and I actually do answer it in my free masterclass. Hope this video has helped you and I hope that you’re able to really start to pinpoint why you are attracting toxic men into your life, and it might even be for more than one of those reasons.