Relationships Sex

Why can’t I orgasm with a partner – but I can by myself?

I’m loving Orgasm Week!

As I’ve shared before, my new online course for women – Epic Orgasms is being released next week, so to celebrate, I’m sharing a whole week of podcasts on the female orgasm.

Today, I’m answering another question sent in to me by a woman in my Facebook group. She wrote:

“I am interested in why it’s easier to orgasm alone? There have been times when I’ve been with a partner and they have said “Wow you take ages to orgasm”, and I’ve said “Yep” – but if I did it myself it could be over in three minutes. It can seem like they are doing exactly the same thing but it feels more harsh when they do it. Why is it easier to orgasm alone than with a partner?”

I know this can be really frustrating.

We think that orgasms should just happen – easily, often and loudly. And the especially should happen through penis in vagina intercourse – preferably at the same time.

But honestly, this just isn’t the case for many women.

The truth is 30% of women struggle to orgasm through partner sex.

You can wonder if your partner isn’t doing something right. You can feel embarrassed or feel like there’s something wrong with you.  You can worry about hurting your partner’s feelings. You partner may also feel confused, inadequate or frustrated. And together, you might even give up trying.

It’s really important to keep in mind that it’s not your fault – and it’s not your partner’s fault either.  You can both let go of any guilt, shame or blame right now.

In this episode we look at the many reasons why women can struggle to orgasm with a partner and delve into 4 steps to help you do it:

  • Work on having an orgasm by yourself
  • Work out the kind of stimulation that feels really good to you
  • Learn to communicate that to your partner
  • Explore and have fun

Isiah McKimmie


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