You love your partner, but you seem to have more rough patches than good times lately. You see the beauty in your partner and the good in the relationship, but you wonder if you’re just delaying the inevitable by staying together.
You’re torn and unsure what to do.
Do you stay and try to work through things in the hope that it could be great or the way it ‘used to be’? Or do you thank each other and move on each looking for someone who is more suited to you?
It’s a point that many relationships will come to.
Deciding what to do feels like turmoil inside. It knots you up, runs you mind in circles and hurts your heart.
You don’t want to make the wrong decision.
As sad as ending a relationship is, sometimes it is the best thing for both people involved. Sometimes two people are just not meant to be. But what about the other relationships, the ones that are meant to be, the ones that just need a little more work, a little more attention, trying and love?
Here are two questions to ask yourself that guide you to the choice that is right for you.
Your answers need to come not from your mind, but a deeper wisdom within you.
You need to hear the voice that answers before your mind has a chance, the voice that comes from deep inside you, so deep it is almost beyond you. Some may even call it your ‘higher self’. The self, the wisdom that is always there waiting for you, that is guiding you even when you don’t realise it.
Firstly: If you have ever considered yourself in physical danger by your partner or your partner is abusive, threatening or controlling physically, emotionally, financially or mentally, there is only one answer. Leave now and seek support. Contact your local law enforcement and domestic violence services.
Ask: Have I done everything I can to make my partner feel loved, valued and supported?
When our relationship is struggling, it’s easy to focus on what our partner isn’t giving to us and the ways they’re not getting it right for us.
The more we focus on what is wrong, the more we see. And this often sets up a pattern of us withholding from our partner.
We’re not getting the love we want, so we stop giving love to them also. And we end up moving further and further apart.
Ask: Is there more I can do, learn or give to improve what is happening between us and help us deepen in love?
It can be difficult to acknowledge because it’s so easy to see the ways our partner isn’t getting it right (at least I know it is for me!) but there is a role both partners have to play in relationship challenges.
One person changing the way they are behaving in a relationship can make an incredible difference to the overall dynamic.
When we put our attention on helping our partner feel loved, valued and supported, they usually reciprocate by making an effort to improve the relationship in return.
The wonderful thing about these questions is that they give power and responsibility back to us.
We realise that we don’t have to wait for our partner to change, we can work on ourselves and the relationship, bringing more love and harmony.
Coaching and therapy can give you practical tools and suggestions for understanding each other’s needs, improving communication and bringing more love and harmony to the relationship.
To find out more about how sessions with Isiah can help you, book a free 15 minute call here.