The person you love with all your heart decides to leave you. But not because you cheated. Not because you were selfish. Not even because you were needy. It’s because you have a bad sex life.
This does not happen very often; but when it does, it takes a toll on your self-esteem. But all is not lost. You can still heal from this breakup and rebuild your self-esteem. Here’s how.
Realize the breakup was not entirely your fault.
A lot of people take full blame for the bad sexual performance that led to the breakup. In almost all the cases, it’s more about sexual incompatibility than your own performance issues.
For example, one of our readers at Ex Back Permanently, suffered from sexual anxiety. This lead to him not able to get an erection every time he wanted.
Does this mean it was all his fault?
No. Sexual Anxiety is anxiety with a twist from hell. But it’s still anxiety. And your partner can either make you more anxious or make you less anxious.
If you are not comfortable enough with your partner to share about your anxiety—to just relax when you are not up for having sex—then it’s not entirely your fault. It just means you and your partner are not very compatible.
If your partner makes a big deal out of your inability to perform, then they is probably not right for you.
Communication and an emotional connection is key to having a great sex life with your partner. If one partner isn’t willing to communicate, your sex life is almost certainly doomed.
Be honest. Without any shame.
In a lot of cases, individuals associate shame with their lack of physical performance. Sexual Anxiety has a profound impact on many men. So much that they never share about it with anyone.
They think, “What if my friends find out and make fun of me? What if my partner leaves me because of this?”
This turns into a series of lies between them and their lover that usually ends up hurting their relationship more than anything.
Lies like,“It never happened before. Maybe I am just tired.” Or, “I think I am sick from the taco I ate earlier. Maybe I should just rest.” Or, “This is because of the whiskey, I think we should skip sex today.”
Owning up to your sexual anxiety is an important part of learning to live with it. Instead of making an excuse, just be brutally honest about it with your partner. Say, “I get sexual anxiety sometimes. It’s not about you. It just means that I am feeling anxious about having sex. Do you mind just hanging out for a bit and chatting?”
Get help, share it with friends, and re-enter the game with the right mindset
It sucks that you lost someone you loved because of a dissatisfying sex life. But you must not let this get into your head and prevent you from getting the love and happiness you deserve. If it’s taking a toll on your self-esteem, get help. Go to a therapy and figure out how to deal with anxiety. Be honest with your friends about it. If they are good friends, they will support you and build you up.
When you are ready, get back in the game, but stay away from one-night stands and shallow relationships. Try to build a strong emotional connection with the person you like before jumping into bed with them. This way, you will be less anxious with them and you can start your new relationship with an honest and strong foundation.