He really likes you and you can tell, but does he value you?
I had lot of messages recently through Instagram and YouTube about, “This guy really likes me but I’m not really sure if he’s invested in me, and I don’t really know if he sees me as the one to be able to commit to,” and what I realized is that a lot of you ladies out there don’t know the difference between someone who values you, and someone who just likes you.
Because it’s all very nice to be liked by someone and to feel that they’re attracted to you, but is that actually going anywhere?
Because someone that really values you has a different perspective of you and therefore, will probably treat you differently and act differently with you.
In this video, I give you 10 differences between a man that values you and a man that likes you.
So let’s jump into those 10 points right now.
Number 10: quantity versus quality time.
Now, you might know about the five love languages, and one of those love languages is quality time. Now, for a lot of women out there, you have probably found that quality time is your main love language.
You love feeling like a priority, you love feeling like this guy is actually setting time aside to spend with me. Now, what we do is we confuse quantity time with quality time.
A guy that likes you will spend time with you, and maybe eating consistently, but if he’s not present with you in that time, if he’s not emotionally connected to you in that time and he’s not making you feel like a priority during that time spent together, then that is about quantity time, not quality time.
And man who really values you will make sure that the time you have together is quality time and therefore, it won’t necessarily matter about the amount of time, whether it’s an hour or 10 hours, because you will walk away feeling like your love tank is filled up.
Number nine: you are a priority, not an option.
If a man really values you, then you will feel like a priority. You won’t be a last minute thought, before he’s done all his work, all his boy stuff and everything else, and gym, and then, “Oh yeah, I’ll slip a date in with you,” you will actually be at the top of his schedule.
Now, I’m not saying that you will always be at the top of his schedule, because people get busy, we need to be flexible.
But all in all, you will feel consistently like you are a priority and not an option, and you will know if you’re an option because everything will be about what’s convenient for him.
There’ll never be any solid sort of future commitment, and you will feel like you have to fight for a position to be in his life or to be able to see him.
Number eight: his actions reflect his intentions.
Gals, this is one of the easiest ways to know whether a guy just likes you or whether he values you, is what does he actually do?
If he says one thing and then does something the opposite, always look at the actions. Don’t just rely on the words.
There are plenty of people out there who can promise us the world, but at the end of the day, if they’re not following through with what they say, then that is going to say more about their character and intentions than the actual words that come out of their mouth.
A man that just likes you might promise you, “Oh, we’ll go do this. We’ll go out on Friday night, or I’ll talk to you later, or I’ll send you that text, or I’ll call you when you get home,” but then if he doesn’t actually follow through, chances are, he doesn’t really value you, because someone that values you makes you feel like you actually mean something to them.
They are consciously aware about how their actions are reflecting themselves and their character on you, because they’re trying to communicate that they actually do value you.
Number seven, pretty simple: you actually feel valued.
And you might be thinking, “Yeah, Renee, but I don’t know if I feel valued or not.” Well, there’s some really easy ways to tell.
One of those things is you won’t be walking on eggshells. If a guy just likes you but he doesn’t value you, then he will be wanting to offer you an environment in your relationship, or as you’re starting to get to know him and build a relationship, where you don’t feel that you have to kind of walk on eggshells and it’s full of fear and anxiety.
He will be providing an environment where it’s safe to talk about how you feel, it is safe to talk about what it is that you want, it is safe to talk about your expectations. You’re not holding back and treading lightly, because you’re in fear of his reaction.
He won’t be gaslighting you, he won’t be turning things around, he won’t be narcissistic. He will actually make you feel that what you have to say matters.
Number six: there is trust building.
When you value someone, you are essentially starting to be vulnerable with them. When I value a friend, for example, I’m going to be open and honest with them, because I want them to know that I see them, I hear them, and I am trying to understand them.
So there’s going to be some level of vulnerability, and that vulnerability is going to build trust. Now, someone that just likes you will not necessarily probably want to talk about deep things.
They probably don’t want to get super vulnerable, and there’ll be this element of the unknown, and not the unknown is exciting because we can’t predict the future, but the unknown of like, where’s this all going?
Because you don’t really know what he wants, there’s no sort of commitment. There’s no real strong foundation of trust, because of his actions or his words. So chances are, he doesn’t value enough to want to build this open trust with you.
Number five: it’s not just about sex.
One of my clients said to me this week, she’s like, “Oh, Renee, I’m dating this guy, but I don’t know if he wants more than just sex, because he said to me that sex is really important to him and he’s a super physical guy.”
Now, the best way to know if a guy doesn’t just want sex is to not give him sex straight away, and I think that if someone really values you and values getting to know you, then they’ll want to do that outside of sex and outside of intimacy as well.
If sex is their priority because they like you, then that’s all they’ll be focusing on. But if they want to value you, as in make you feel honored, make you feel respected, and respect your choices and your decision not to have sex, then chances are, they actually are going to be a little bit more invested beyond just the intimate period, and they’ll be happy to wait for the intimacy, because again, that’s not their agenda.
Which brings me to point number four: he does respect you.
Someone who values you, respects your opinion, even if they don’t agree with it. They respect your decision, even if they want something different. Someone who values you makes you feel safe for being you.
As I was saying before, when it comes to vulnerability and trust, and making sure you’re not walking on eggshells.
They give you this permission to be yourself, because they want you to be yourself.
They don’t try to change you or fix you, or just get whatever it is that they want. It goes deeper than just liking you, it goes deeper than just this physical attraction.
It goes into, “I actually want to communicate to you that I respect who you are I respect what you say and do, because that actually shows that I care about you.”
Valuing someone is communicating care to that someone.
Point number three: he communicates regularly and consistently.
Someone that is just okay with having you left in the dark about when you’re seeing them next and what’s happening, is someone that I think doesn’t really value you, because if they’re okay with you being anxious and confused, and not really sure, then it’s not really honoring you as a person and it’s not really honoring what you’re building with that person.
I think if someone really values you, they want to have clear communication. They want to talk about, “Well, okay, I can see why you’re upset about that, so instead of shutting down, let’s talk about it.” They want to work through things, they want to grow with you.
They want to actually give it a shot instead of just running away, as soon as you do communicate your expectations, or as soon as it does get a little bit hard.
If you’re not always agreeing with them and everything’s not on their terms, do they turn that back on you, or do they actually show that respect to you and then communicate, “Right, I can see where you’re coming from.
Let’s talk about this. Let’s work through this.”
Number two: he actually asks your opinions about things.
Super, super easy way to know if a guy actually values you, is he values your opinion. He asks you questions, “Renee, what do you think about this or what do you think I should do with work, or food,” or whatever it is, especially if it’s really important things, it really shows that he cares about what it is that you have to think.
Someone that just likes you will probably just tell you what they’re doing, rather than asking your opinion on what they should do.
And lastly, girls, number one: he is trying to incorporate you into his life.
Again, this isn’t just about you being this side chick or a second option, or just something that’s he’s going to hold onto because it’s convenient.
He is actively trying to communicate to you that he is making room for you in his life. Whether it’s meeting his friends, whether it’s meeting his family, whether it is booking you up in advance for dates so that he can show you that he wants to spend time with you, this man is making you feel like, “Man, this guy actually wants to see me.
This guy wants to spend time with me outside of the bedroom, outside of just dinner dates. This man actually wants to get to know me, and he’s actively doing something about it.”