ep, I want to talk about how to date when you have to social distance or even isolate yourself during this really tumultuous time.
It’s time to address the coronavirus and why I don’t believe that taking a break from dating or knowing what to do during this period of not actually seeing someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to miss out on love.
Now, it is no secret that the world is currently been flipped upside down by everything that’s been going on with the coronavirus.
” How do I date when I’m not allowed to go out of the house? Or how do I date when I’m trying to have social distancing? Or how do I date this guy that I’ve just met and we started to build something but now I may not see him for two weeks?”
The first thing that I want to address before I get into some really practical tips that you can immediately put into place to help you through this time is stay home, hashtag stay home.
I cannot stress how important it is that you need to take the proper measures that obviously the Government and the World Health Organization are putting into place in order to be able to protect the greater humanity.
The first thing you need to do is you need to understand that this is not a roadblock to you finding love.
This is actually an opportunity. It is an opportunity to either take a break from dating or to simply change the way that you communicate with your dates.
If you just focus on the fear that you’re going to miss out on love or that the world’s going to end and you’re going to die alone and you never got your chance at love, then obviously your brain is going to go into overdrive.
Your anxiety levels are going to be really high, but more than anything, you’re going to lose perspective on the whole situation just because you can’t see someone or just because you can’t go on a date for two weeks or four weeks or five weeks, even if you’re in Italy, right? It doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
This is an opportunity to actually do a self-assessment first and ask yourself, okay, what are my reasons for dating? Am I ready to date? Should I even be dating at this time?
If you can see this as an opportunity to have a little bit of self-reflection on your intentions for finding love, who you are actually engaging with, then what that will do is it will actually give you more clarity.
When you get in the cycle of constantly dating again and again and again and again, you aren’t really aware then of what your patterns are producing until it’s too late and you have that end result of heartache or exhaustion.
So sometimes just stopping and using these two weeks or four weeks to really self-reflect will help give you an indication of, well now it’s no big mystery why that guy didn’t call me back. Or now it’s no big mystery why I’m chasing men because I realized that I’m doing A, B and C.
And if you haven’t watched my live master class, you’ve got all the time in the world now. I highly suggest that you go and watch it. I will drop the link down below.
Number two, up the conversation.
All right people, it’s time to get old school. Remember back in the day before we even had texting or the internet, we used to just pick up the phone and call people and you know what?
People still built relationships and I actually think that we have a really massive communication breakdown in society. Hence why so many people are struggling with love.
Well, again, this is an opportunity to actually get to know the person that you are dating or if you’ve started a conversation with them and you never had an opportunity to meet up, then again, use this time to get to know them even better.
It’s almost like love is blind where we don’t actually get to meet the person until later on. But what I am saying is if you can focus on just getting to know them through either phone calls or FaceTiming, just talking to them on a daily basis, that just means that you’re going to be able to strengthen that connection.
It also means that you’re going to get to know more about them without the pressure of say what a first date or dating can bring without those expectations and also without the intimacy.
And this is something that I think will be really key during this time because there are a lot of people who go out there and date and they get intimate really soon.
Now each to their own, but as a professional coach, I suggest holding back on intimacy for some time so that you can actually get to know who you’re being intimate with and you’re prepared for the consequences after intimacy.
And not only that, a lot of you ladies out there get really confused whether or not the guy is with you just for sex or whether he actually does want to romance you and court you.
And guess what? Now that we’re all in isolation, this is a good chance to actually see, was it just about sex or does he still want to continue to build something with me through phone calls and communicating and FaceTiming?
Number three. Up the visuals.
Now. I don’t mean go and send nudes to him. What I’m talking about is just pick up the phone and do a FaceTime or do Skype or send selfies to each other. It doesn’t have to be sexual.
Now what I suggest is that you make it a mixture of say, really casual shots, whether I’m having breakfast or I’m having coffee or I’m at work and you’re at your desk at home writing because no one’s going to work nowadays.
Some of those selfies should be a little bit more on the flirty side or a little bit more on the sexy side and when I say sexy, I don’t mean go and show lots of skin and all of that.
If you can give them the mixture of casual date photo, a more formal date photo, then it’s almost like, well, this is how I would see you in real life. When we’re having casual dates, I’d see you more laid back and relaxed.
When we’re having more formal dinner dates, I get to see you dressed up. We can still do that guys. All we’re doing instead though is obviously doing it through a phone camera rather than actually being there in person with each other.
Number four. It’s time to get creative.
If you’re in a long distance relationship, you’re probably used to all of this. you’re probably like 14 days of not seeing them, that’s nothing. Try 14 months.
So let’s get creative in the way that we can still interact with each other. So obviously there is FaceTiming and there is texting and calling and if your postal service is down then you won’t be able to send a letter. But what I mean by getting creative is, I mean go on a date with each other but make that date a video date.
So what we used to do when I was in a long distance relationship with my fiance and we were forced to be apart, much like quarantine, was we actually got really creative with how we did our dates. I would have my dinner in front of the computer screen or in front of the phone screen and he would have his breakfast. And so he would be having a breakfast date with me and I’d be having a dinner date with him.
I personally think that this is going to be a really good test for the person that you are dating or the person that you’re starting to get to know. It’ll actually show how much effort they’re willing to make in order to still be able to court you.
So in all honesty, ladies, I think that if you’re worried about is this guy invested in me or is this guy going to really want to build something with me? This is like a really good test.
Circumstantially, we’re both being put in a position where if we don’t make effort and if we don’t get creative, then things aren’t going to go anywhere.
We have become a generation that’s become really lazy when it comes to dating and relationships. Hence why everyone just texts instead of like actually doing phone calls or they just ghost each other and instead of like saying that they didn’t want to see that person anymore.
Cause here’s an opportunity, an opportunity to work out, can we still date each other and make these dates fun and exciting through a video screen so that we can still get to know each other so that when the time comes after quarantining, when we’re all safe and healthy, those next dates that you have in real life will have build up and lead up to them.
You will know still about that person and feel like you haven’t missed out on big chunks of what’s been going on each of your world because you’ve had regular communication and visuals.
And it will actually be almost like a reward and something exciting to look forward to and it won’t be as if you’re just starting fresh.
It will be again, enhancing the next stage of your relationship because you haven’t necessarily put it on hold just because of the circumstances.
Number five. Think long term.
One of the things that people tend to do when they’re put into an environment that is out of our control or a crisis or when there’s lots of fear going around is it’s almost like we get desperate and irrational. So we just say yes to anyone or we say yes to the past again.
Just because you’re in quarantine, it is not an opportunity to go and invite your ex or reconnect with an ex back into your world if that relationship ended for a reason. So don’t go and get caught up in the circumstances without realizing that this too shall pass.
And what people tend to do is they tend to react to a situation, but they don’t realize that reacting to something still has consequences
. So if all of a sudden you build something with an ex and then once we’re all let out of our houses again, you realize, hang on a second, I don’t want to keep things happening with my ex who broke up. You’ve then got to fix that situation.
So instead of having more damage control to deal with, just be aware of who you’re talking to and again, what’s your reason for why you’re talking to them.
There will be so many people who are active on apps as normal because we now have a lot more time to fiddle on our phones, but just because you can talk to certain guys or gals out there doesn’t mean that you should.
Stay focused here, people. Stay in your lane. Remember who you want to date, why you want to date. What’s the type of relationship you ideally want to build?
And don’t deviate from that just because you’ve now got a little bit more fear or you’re being put under pressure or you’ve had this withdrawal from dating.
Not every conversation is a conversation that we should engage in.
And lastly, number six.
Companies get really resourceful and they actually get really creative with how they can help combat crisis and girl dating apps have already decided that they have released features, like literally you can go on your phone now on Tinder or Plenty of Fish and use their live dating streaming app.
Now, this is actually a concept that I thought of funny enough, several years ago and I was like, I need to invent an app where you can just have video dates. And there you go, they’ve now invented it literally within like a week of the coronavirus.
So what this is, is it’s basically not on every single app out there. It’s only on specific apps and you have a live streaming date with that person.
It’s kind of like FaceTiming. It’s pretty much what it is. It means that you can have a date from the safety and the comfort of your own home and still feel that you can see that person, connect with that person and of course you can end the conversation whenever you want to.
There you go guys. There is absolutely no reason why you can’t still connect with someone. There is no reason why you can’t still continue to build something with someone.
And as I said, this is actually an amazing opportunity to really reassess who you’re talking to, why you’re talking to them, and how to also be sufficient and happy even if you can’t date at the same time.
This is the perfect time to really just focus in on love education and set yourself up so when we’re released back into the wilderness, we actually know what to do, and so we’re not just floundering around and hoping that we get it right.
We’ve actually got some sort of strategy behind it.