AS MUCH AS I LOVE TALKING ABOUT DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS I’VE NOT HAD THAT MANY RELATIONSHIPS.
So I don’t claim to be an expert but looking back I realise how much I’ve learned from dating, the good and the bad. As you get older your preferences change, you learn from your mistakes of past relationships. You learn a lot about men and a lot about yourself. Relationships can teach you a lot of things here I’m sharing some of the things I’ve learned from past experiences.
THEY FORCE YOU TO BE VULNERABLE
Relationships and Dating force you to be vulnerable. More so than you’ve probably ever been before. It’s terrifying and so hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable and trust this person. Elizabeth Day has a great section in her book on dating where she says “relinquishing control and making yourself vulnerable are terrifying things to do but the alternative is to shut yourself off from the world and from your experience of it.” I think that is so true because you can close yourself off and not show any vulnerability or you can keep your cards close to your chest and never truly admit how you feel.
THEY HAVE THEIR OWN LIVES
Now I wasn’t expecting to be with the guy 24/7 because I have my own life too. But in the past going into relationship I was still in that head space of what if he doesn’t reply to that text, what if I say the wrong thing and he doesn’t speak to me again. Or I was waiting for him to reply straight away.
It’s safe to say I got out of that habit pretty quickly because for one I knew he had his own life and i’d rather he not be at his phone waiting to text me back every 5 minutes. And two because having enough conversation for texting back every 5 minutes is exhausting Seriously how do people who text constantly have enough to say to each other.
THEY DON’T CARE IF YOU LOOK AMAZING ALL THE TIME
Honestly it took me about two months into my last relationship to give up on the whole I have to look great every time I see him. He didn’t care that I had makeup on and frankly I don’t think he noticed half the time. Because guys generally don’t care about those things.
BOYS ARE ANOTHER TYPE OF MESSY
Have you ever walked into your guys flat and it immediately reminds you of that episode of Friends when Ross dates the dirty girl and Monica can’t sleep because all she wants to do it clean it. Yeah well boys are just as bad. Don’t get me wrong us girls can be messy but guys are on another level.
DON’T WAIT AROUND FOR A GUY
In my first relationship I remember waiting around all night for him to make plans or finally be free to meet up. I used to get so angry that he was taking so long making me wait around. Now I realise I was angry because he made me waste an entire night waiting for him. This definitely taught me not to waste time waiting for a guy to make plans. Make your own, go and do something else so you’re not losing a whole night waiting for him.
DON’T CHANGE YOUR OPINIONS
Don’t let being with a guy change you. Don’t start liking things just because he does so don’t pretend to like football just to spend time with him. Let him have his guy time and you can have your own time too. Because I bet he doesn’t like trailing around the shops with you without moaning the whole time so why should you sit through a 90minute game for him. While it’s nice to have the same interests you don’t want to be exactly the same. Otherwise you’ll have nothing to talk about. He started dating you for a reason so don’t change yourself.
This one kind of ties in with not changing your opinions but you have to be yourself when it comes to relationships. Your partner liked you for a reason and I can bet you it’s because you were yourself. When it comes to relationships there is no point pretending to be something you’re not because let’s face it they will figure it out eventually. And to be honest it would get exhausting putting on an act every day right?
What have you learned from dating and relationships?